


Knights and Guards

by JahStorybook



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Era, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Everyone Really, Hurt Merlin (Merlin), M/M, Magic Not Revealed, Possible One Sided Arthur/Merlin, Protective Gwaine (Merlin), Protective Knights (Merlin), Some Fluff, slight angst, uther's death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-22 10:20:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22414627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JahStorybook/pseuds/JahStorybook
Summary: A king is dead. Long live the king.A servant is missing. Long Live the king.A friend is hurt. Long live the king.A story of how Merlin isn't as strong when it comes to Arthur's words as he likes to believe, and how Arthur maybe needs Merlin more than he's ever going to admit, and how Gwaine would really like it if everyone stopped falling in love with his lover; told in small parts.
Relationships: Gwaine/Merlin (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 304





	Knights and Guards

**Author's Note:**

> Also don't we just love everyone being in love with oblivious little Merlin?

The king was dead. Arthur was crowned the new king. His room was unusually clean when he returned to it.

"Merlin!" Arthur only had to wait a few seconds before his servant was stumbling into his room.

"Yes, Sire?" 

"I think someones been in here. Did you shirk your duties to George?" Merlin's smile was small, but it lightened the heavy mood in Arthur's heart.

"No. I just figured you'd need things extra organized." His brief good mood plummeted.

"And why is that," he snapped, making Merlin's head jerk his way from the fireplace where he stared.

"You're king now, Arthur. You've got a lot more on your plate and I don't want you stressing over where your socks are." Merlin's tone was easy going, but Arthur saw the shift in his stance, turning immediately from servant-Merlin to friend-Merlin. He wasn't sure which he needed more right now. 

"Get out," Arthur demanded, turning away from him and leaning on the table.

"Sire?" He heard Merlin take a step towards him but stop before Arthur could snap at him.

"Get out."

* * *

" _You aren't the only one hurting_ ," Merlin said, brushing the water out of his face while Arthur trained. Arthur dropped his sword to his side and turned on him.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" The king looked at him, then. Really looked. Merlin's eyes were bloodshot and he was crying. Though the rain did a well enough job hiding that fact Arthur saw through it. "He was _my_ father."

"And since he's passed you've done nothing but push us all away," Merlin snapped. The servant straightened off the wall, wiped his face on his sleeve and gave Arthur one of his usual 'I'm-about-to-lay-something-heavy-on-you' looks. "You know I'll never leave your side, not when you still need me, but it'd be nice if you'd just let me..." Merlin met his eyes and looked away, swallowing whatever words he had been about to say back down.

"Let you what," Arthur growled, and as he stepped towards his servant, the lanky boy sunk back into the wall, not meeting his eyes. "You want me to let you in? To be some emotional mess and admit that I'm not handling any of this as well as I should?"

"I just want you to let me help." Though his voice was small, it didn't waver. 

"I don't _need_ your help! You are my servant, not my friend. The sooner you get that the sooner we can all move on with our lives." He pushed Merlin back and went back to savagely destroying the training dummy, pretending he didn't notice when the tears started again.

* * *

"Arthur, have you seen Merlin?" Gwen stood before him, looking much like she was ready to hit him, and Arthur could guess why. Merlin had been avoiding him ever since their fight.

"I haven't seen him all day. Check the tavern, I hear that's his second home," Arthur joked, no real mirth in his voice. 

"He's not at the tavern. In fact, he doesn't seem to be anywhere. Gaius says he was gone this morning." Gone. Arthur knew from experience that when his servant was _gone_ it really meant he was getting into trouble. 

"I'm sure he'll pop up soon," Arthur assured her, pretending he didn't see the look in her eyes as she glared daggers at him. They'd courted, briefly, and Arthur could say with certainty that she was not for him. Not while Morgana still held such a strong place in the servant girl's heart. 

"Arthur! I've just told you your best friend is missing and that's all you have to say?" It didn't feel like Merlin was his best friend right now. Not that Merlin had said anything to the king, Arthur was the one who stomped on that assumption. The King knew his recent actions had stung the servant worse than he was willing to admit, though, and even if Arthur had denied their friendship, Merlin saw him as just that. 

"Gwen, not right now," the king warned, although Gwen and Merlin had both known him long enough to hear no real threat in his voice. Still, she relented, letting him pass her. She stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"Just promise me if he's still missing by tomorrow, you'll find him. Too many people rely on him, if he were to just disappear... Well, he somehow single handedly helps ever person in this kingdom and losing him because you're too proud to admit you need him would be unfortunate." Arthur had a hard time believing that, but Gwen sounded certain enough.

"He won't just disappear, Gwen. You worry too much. If he's not back by tomorrow I'll find him."

* * *

Merlin wasn't back. Arthur knew the moment he woke up to sunlight streaming through his closed window. The first thing his servant ever did when waking Arthur up was open the window and greet him with his usual chipper morning attitude. Instead, what greeted him was an empty and stuffy room that looked as filthy as it had when he went to bed last night. 

Arthur was worried, of course he was, but he was also a bit angry. Merlin had said he wouldn't leave his side while he needed him. Then again, that was right before Arthur had shouted that he _didn't_ need him. Had Merlin decided he was done putting up with him? If that was the case Arthur would have to track him down and drag him back. And if Merlin was in trouble, well Arthur would have to drag him back faster. He was almost, _almost,_ willing to admit he relied on his servant quite a bit, but he couldn't think about that right now so he pushed the thought away.

He set to work getting himself dressed, becoming increasingly frustrated at how long such a simple task took him. Afterwards he wondered where to march to first. Gaius would be the obvious choice, seeing as how that's where Merlin lived, but what if the physician didn't know anything?

* * *

It'd been three days now. Merlin was sure he'd be in trouble when Arthur inevitable found him, but he couldn't really be bothered to drag himself away from the lake he sat before. His mind was far from at ease in the peaceful place, but it helped him to think more clearly so he stayed. It was a little chilly, far too chilly for a swim, and yet he began to strip his shirt off. After he kicked his shoes aside he stepped into the water, feeling dirt squish under his feet in a way that made his nose wrinkle before he waded further into the cold water. 

The cold made him gasp and Merlin almost backed out, but he couldn't. He kept walked, sinking lower and lower into the water until it was at his waist. He fell forward into the water and resurfaced sputtering and shivering for a few moments until his body could adapt. This was exactly what Merlin needed. Brisk waters to wake him up from whatever fog had started to settle into his thoughts. Thoughts of King Arthur shouting at him to leave after he'd mentioned Arthur being king, their fight and Arthur's biting words in the training field. 

Merlin knew it was silly of him to take anything Arthur said in grief to heart, but he had been starting to feel this way long before Uther's death. He felt right useless, actually. Destiny aside, he was sure he was messing everything up. His relationship with Gwaine, his friendship with Arthur, the whole ordeal with Morgana. He wanted to tell her she could know peace in Camelot, just like he did, but this wasn't peace. 

"Merlin," someone shouted, startling the servant. He ducked down, keeping his eyes above water and watching. The voice was loud, familiar. He swam further from land and waited for the all to familiar knight to step out of the treeline. When he seen dark brown hair he sucked in a huge breath before going underwater again. He wasn't ready to go back to the castle. To Arthur and destiny and responsibilities he wasn't sure he could handle.

* * *

"Merlin," Gwaine shouted again, stumbling from the hold of a branch stuck to his cloak. Lancelot helped him, tugging it free before moving ahead of him to look at the lake they'd found. The two knights had been searching all over for Merlin, with the help of a few other knights who hadn't exactly waited for permission, before they'd picked up a trail in the woods that was just fresh enough that it _could_ be his. 

"Gwaine," Lancelot said, eyes widening at the lake. Following his gaze, Gwaine spotted a familiar shirt thrown on the ground by the water. He ran towards it, falling into the sand and grabbing it up. 

"It's his!" Lancelot joined him, looking out at the lake as if he were waiting for something. Nothing happened. 

"Merlin!" Gwaine stood up, and cupped his hands around his mouth, as if that would make his friend hear him better out there.

"MERLIN!" They called and called, voice echoing back at them as they looked for anything that pointed to Merlin walking away, but the only set of tracks were footprints leading into the lake. Deciding that he'd have to risk it, Gwaine started undressing. 

"What are you doing," Lancelot hissed, catching the cloak Gwaine threw his way.

"He could be in the water. I'm gonna dive down and look for him." They both knew if Merlin was in the water and hadn't come up yet it was too late, but Gwaine _needed_ to be sure. Lancelot waited on dry land for him, promising he'd keep a look out. Gwaine jumped into the water.

* * *

"Percival, put your cloak around him," Lancelot ordered, stepping around Elyan as the knight heated water over the fire. They were all rushing, buzzing around the camp to take care of the servant. Merlin was alive! None of them knew how, not after he'd been in the water for so long, but he was. When Gwaine had resurfaced with him Lancelot nearly collapsed to his knees in grief, but the knight was shouting that he was alive and Lancelot was shouting for the other knights in their search party to come quick, and it felt like everyone was shouting then. 

Percival had burst through the trees so fast, Elyan and Leon right behind him. They'd gotten him to their camp, built very hastily, and started warming him up by a small fire. Merlin was in and out of consciousness, sometimes opening his eyes and seeing them before his head fell to the side. 

"Here, Gwaine, move him a bit closer to the fire," Elyan instructed. Gwaine had Merlin in his lap, arms wrapped around the servant's middle protectively. 

"I'm heading to Camelot to let the king and Gaius know he's been found. As soon as he's fit to ride, follow after me. He needs a physician," Leon said, untying his horse from the tree they'd left them at. 

"We should be able to get him up soon, an hour at most," Elyan said. The knight had been spending a lot of time with Merlin, learning what the physician's assistant had learned.

"He's still so cold," Gwaine complained, running his hands up and down Merlin's arms before squeezing him tightly into his own chest. Percival's cloak was soon draped over them, warmed over the fire first. The knight supporting Merlin looked thankful for that. Gwaine had looked cold coming out of the water, but as soon as he was dressed he assured Lancelot he was fine and to just focus on Merlin. Lancelot had agreed, but only because Merlin's lips were blue and Gwaine's were not.

When things calmed down a bit they all sat around the fire, openly staring at Merlin. It was quiet, far more quiet than any of them were use, but no one could really bring themself to talk how they normally did. Percival had been the first to break that silence.

"Do you think he did this to himself? Tried to drown himself or something," the knight asked. Gwaine held Merlin a little tighter at that, whispering something into his lover's ear that they couldn't hear.

"I'm not sure. His clothes were just laying their in the dirt and there was only one set of footsteps. He either meant to do it or swam out too far without realizing the cold would fight against him," Lancelot answered, handing Gwaine a bowl of stew that Percival had made. It wasn't as good as Merlin's mainly because they hadn't really packed for a camping trip. Gwaine was grateful either way, holding the bowl in front of Merlin and lifting it over his head to eat. Either the smell or the jostling made Merlin stir.

"Where are we," he asked, eyes not even open yet. The knights all sat up straighter, leaning closer to Merlin. Gwaine set his bowl down and wrapped his arms back around the servant.

"Merlin? Merlin, you awake," he asked, shaking him a little. Merlin opened his eyes and looked around blearily, blinking a few times at the fire. When he went to move and found Gwaine's arms held him down like a chain, he settled for leaning forward. 

"Wha happened?" Lancelot half crawled half scooted closer to him, turning his face up higher as it drooped. 

"Gwaine pulled you out of the lake. Thought you'd gone and drowned on us," Lancelot said, basically holding Merlin's head upright at this point as it threatened to fall.

"Water's cold," Merlin mumbled, relaxing back into Gwaine's hold. Just like that he was out again. 

"Merlin," Gwaine said, shaking him. There was no answer. 

"I think we should try and move now, before he gets worse," Elyan said, and Lancelot agreed. Merlin was in no fit state to ride a horse on his own, or even with another knight sidesaddle, but they'd make do.

* * *

Arthur was pacing. The sheer amount of times he'd walked the distance between his bed and desk in the past few years was sure to start leaving a mark, but he couldn't do anything else. For all his power and reach, he couldn't do anything else. Merlin was still missing.

Gwen had come by, offering to stay up and wait for news while he got some rest, but Arthur merely shook his head and sent her away. He couldn't rest, not with the storm of emotions in his heart. He'd taken his pain from his father's passing and turned it to anger, just like he always told himself he wouldn't do. Blindness tends to run in the family, it would seem, and he knew he'd have to do better than that, starting with Merlin. He had to make it up to him, but he couldn't if the servant just up and never came back.

At this point he'd heard no word from anyone regarding whether his closest friend had simply left or if something happened to him, and he was beginning to think the worst had happened. He'd tried to summon his knights but according to Sir Kay, they'd gone looking for Merlin the day before and hadn't returned yet. As annoyed as he was at his knights for not waiting on him, he understood their urgency. 

A knocking on his door drew Arthur upright from his slouch and he stormed over and threw it open, in no mood for George's jokes about Brass right now.

"Sire, we've found him!"

* * *

He remembers running. Faster than he's ever ran anywhere before in his life, actually. He ran all the way to Gaius to tell him the news, be it good or bad Leon hadn't clarified before Arthur took off. Of course, the King hadn't given him a chance after hearing the knights were bringing him home. 

He ran to the castle gates after that, by passing the empty stables like a madman in favor of seeing the moment his knights came into view of the path. He waited for quite a while, an hour maybe, then more. Finally he seen the first horse, galloping at breakneck speed towards the kingdom. He could see two figures on the horse, and Arthur's heart dropped. 

He had thought it over, the possibility that his knights hadn't found Merlin alive, but immediately he banished the thought to the far reaches of his mind. Now, it was trying to worm it's way to the front. Merlin leaving on his own was one thing, something Arthur could change or try to at least. Death was in no way up to him, and if he lost his- if he lost Merlin, so soon after losing his father, Arthur was quite sure he wouldn't make it. 

Gwaine was the one carrying Merlin, the King saw as the horses came by. He was the only one who didn't stop when they reached Arthur's sides. 

"Is he alright," Arthur asked Percival as the knight dismounted his horse.

"We found him in a lake, Sire. He's alive but can barely open his eyes longer than a minute before... We don't know what state he's in, really." _He's alive._ Percival looked in no way happy to be telling him this, but Arthur thanked him anyway. Merlin was a fighter, at heart. Not a fighter of sword, but for life Merlin would not be defeated. Too many times Arthur had saw his friend on the brink of death, and every single time Merlin came back.

He hoped this time would be no different.

* * *

Merlin woke up with a headache piled under blankets and under the stare of damn near every knight in Camelot. Of course, not actually every knight, just the knights of the round table, his friends.

"Don't close your eyes," Gwaine demanded, lunging forward and sitting Merlin up. The sudden movement made him dizzy and he nearly toppled over. Gwaine held him upright. 

"It's smoldering in here," Merlin complained, kicking at the blankets with his legs while Gwaine kept a hold of his arms. Percival and Lancelot drew closer and helped him out from under the sweaty pile. A strong wave of vertigo washed over him and he collapsed back into the arms of whoever caught him. Gwaine, it would seem. Always Gwaine looking out for him.

"Keep those pretty blues open," the knight said again, this time just a whisper. Merlin realized he had shut his eyes anyway. He struggled to open them.

"What are you doing in my bedroom," he asked, recognizing the familiar scent of Gaius' home. His eyes slipped shut again but he opened them when he felt himself being violently shaken back and forth. "What!?"

"Eyes open," Gwaine said, breathlessly. "Please, for the love of all that is holy, don't close your eyes."

"Do I have a concussion or something? Why are you freaking out," Merlin asked. He didn't feel particularly concussed, although he was quite dizzy still and every time he tried to sit up he found himself leaning to one side or the other.

"You've not been awake for longer than this in the past two days, Merlin," Gaius said then, voice coming from behind the swarm of knights. They let the old physician through, although they didn't stop crowding Merlin.

"Two days..." Two days sense he had nearly drowned trying to hide from the knights looking for him. He had been about to come up for air but found he couldn't move his legs or arms. He'd been certain he was dying. "I'm sorry," he choked out, falling forward to hide his face. 

"Hey, hey, it's alright," Gwaine said, slipping into the bed and pulling Merlin close. 

"But I-" Merlin started before the door slammed open. The knights all turned to see Arthur, breathing hard and bent over.

"He's awake," the king asked, trying to compose himself. "Gwen sent for me and said he's awake."

"That was just two minutes ago, Sire. Did you run all the way here," Gaius asked before realizing that would mean Gwen ran all the way to him as well. If Gaius were younger he would have been running around for his ward as well and they all knew it. "Well, no matter. Merlin, how do you feel? What all can you remember?"

"Dizzy," Merlin said immediately. "The room is spinning."

"Is that normal," Gwaine asked, his hands so tight around Merlin's arms the servant almost winced. Gwaine seemed to think if he let go Merlin would fall back asleep for who knows how long.

"It's to be expected after his ordeal. He's not had a proper meal in days, and I can't even begin to know what happened before he nearly drowned." The physician had a hard time working around the knights and king glued to Merlin's side but he made do, checking over his boy carefully. He was leaning forward, resting his ear on Merlin's chest, when he realized the boy's breathing was almost erratic. "Take a deep breath, please."

"Sure," Merlin said, voice sounding as though he was out of breath. Gwaine seemed to notice as he leaned around Merlin to get a look at his face. The breath Merlin took was shaky and he had a hard time holding it in. 

"Merlin? Are you alright?" The servant took another shaky breath, this time not bothering to hide it, and shook his head. "What is it, my boy?"

"I haven't really been thinking clear these past few days. I keep... I keep feeling like I'm not good enough." He saw Arthur stiffen at that, and they both knew it had been Arthur's words that made him feel that way.

"Merlin, I need to know if you did something to hurt yourself out there," Gaius said, voice serious. "Did you go into the lake and try to drown yourself?"

"No! I went into the lake but I wasn't- I didn't try to- I didn't realize how hard cold it really was." Gwaine seemed happy enough with that answer. "I was just trying to clear my head, and I head you guys calling my name and I just got scared of coming back to the mess I'd made. I didn't mean to stay under so long, but by the time I tried coming back up, I couldn't move." He was crying. Crying in front of all these knights who never shed a tear. 

"It's alright, shh," Gwaine said, rocking Merlin gently, eyes snapping to Lancelot when the knight rested his hand on Merlin's cheek. 

"Merlin, you haven't made a mess of anything. This will all blow over, it always does." Arthur came forward, resting next to Gaius to meet Merlin's eyes.

"I'm sorry. I know I said some things that hurt you, and if I could take them back I would a thousand times over. I'm not sure if it was grief or just my own anger with the way things have been going, but I didn't mean a word of it. You're a good friend, Merlin. You don't have to carry all this weight around, ever." The king leaned forward and, despite Gwaine's glare, kissed Merlin's forehead. 

Soon Gaius would kick them out and Merlin would go back to sleep, regaining his energy for when they returned the next day with food and stories that'd make him laugh. He'd tell Gaius about the thoughts he been having, about how much trouble he was having living up to destiny. Gwaine would kiss him and say how sorry he was that he hadn't noticed, and Merlin would tell him it wasn't his fault. The knights paid a bit closer attention to him after that day, after those days, and Merlin slipped back into his role as easy going servant, oblivious to the attempts of Lancelot to put flowers in his hair, or Arthur asking him to stay for dinner after Merlin brought it up. 

Camelot didn't always know peace, but in the weeks following, it certainly knew that Merlin was as important to the kingdom as any adviser and friend could be.


End file.
